Daubed Raven
by Collida
Summary: AU :: Ran x Ken :: Ran and Ken come into a relationship but what does Ken truly love him for? :: Complete
1. In Your Eyes

Notes: Cuteness...

Music: Brokedown Palace (I really recommend this cd...it's very nice to write to)

Pairings: Ran x Ken

Warnings: AU, yaoi, fluff

Disclaimer: Of course, they're never mine. Nothing is fair. *pouts*

~~~

Like Your Eyes

1

We were sitting at breakfast, all four of us, just sitting there, silently. I was gazing down at my cereal in an uninteresting bout of chasing the cheerios, just sitting there, silently. 

"What are we going to do today?" Omi asked, attempting feebly to break the heavy silence. I wished he wouldn't do that. I for one enjoy the quiet but apparently he can't realize that from the glare I shot him. Ken caught my glare and grinned slightly to himself. I watched for a moment, a smirk touching my own lips. Ken had such a cute grin.

I kept my gaze strictly to my cereal as Youji picked up the conversation, oblivious to the silent exchanges of his fellow assassins. I wasn't listening to him. I was busy eating my breakfast.

~

The autumn day was crisp and a chill wind was picking up through the multitude of trees bordering the property. I was leaning against the wooden fence, gazing at the four legged beasts that grazed idly nearby inside the pasture. I climbed over the fence and walked to a tall chestnut mare and stroked her face as she raised it from the grass. I fished an apple from my pocket and fed it to her. I was happy, being with the horses always made me happy. They didn't judge or annoy. They just were.

"Hey girl. Want to go for a ride?" She whickered in reply, nibbling at my pockets in search of more treats but there were none. "Sorry Abby, I only brought one. I'll give you some grain later." She snorted and started to trot away, gathering the other three horses grazing nearby with her. They churned in a group, trotting and walking and then finally all galloping further down the field in a group.

"That figures." I turned away to go gather my tack and grain hoping it wouldn't take hours to catch her. 

I had furnished her in English tack, a small leather saddle of high quality and a deep crimson saddle pad that reminded me of the trees that had melted in a scarlet sea. Her long refined head was bridled in rich brown leather. She looked every inch a first class fox hunter. Her coat was soft even though it was beginning to gain the winter excess as the cold came on. I gazed at her for a moment before mounting and trotting down the dirt path leading from the barn.

In a few moments we were in a large ring bordered completely by woods. Jumps were placed strategically through the center of the ring ranging from low cross rails to six foot standards placed in the back. This ring was used by many people including young children. 

I let Abby walk comfortably for a few passes to let her warm up and then moved into a steady trot and I marveled at her smooth gaits. We began to canter and the cues I gave her were so subtle I barely had to move my legs and hands. I wheeled her and cantered for the first jump barely over two feet. She came at it smoothly, not breaking her stride to take off and flew gracefully to the other side and instantly turned as I gave the cues. I rode her to the other end of the ring and slowed her to a walk as I saw a face at the gate, leaning against the fence. It was Ken.

"What are you doing here?" He looked taken aback at the tone in my voice. I didn't like being watched with notice and I especially didn't want him to watch.

"Nothing. Just watching."

"Oh." He grinned and I turned away. I didn't want him to see my answering expression. I wanted to be near him but he wouldn't come near me. I know it. Maybe I could impress him. I pointed Abby to the highest jumps at almost four feet towards the back. She picked up a canter easily, responding almost instantly to the pressure of my legs. I had only jumped this high with her once before and she had taken it well enough so I wasn't particularly worried. 

She canted smoothly for the jump, turning well and keeping her speed in check. But then she began to slow and I urged her on but her strides were changing and as she jumped she broke her stride and hit the flower box with her knee dodged to the side as she tried to recover. I slid to the opposite side attempting to keep my balance but she was stumbling onto her knees and I slid off to get out of the way. As soon as I was off her back, she stumbled her feet and stopped moving. I heard Ken running. The fall was surprisingly slow and seemed almost planned in advance. I hadn't been able to feel emotion. That surprised me. 

"Ran! Are you alright?" I was stroking Abby's nose in reassurance. I began to check her legs for any cuts.

"Yes Ken. I'm fine."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. Were you actually worried about me?" He looked abashed and blushed slightly as I looked back at him.

"No. How would you know?"

"I could see it in your eyes."

~~~


	2. In Your Arms

Notes: This is all fluffy...

Music: none...

Pairings: Ran x Ken

Warnings: AU, yaoi, lime, fluff

Disclaimer: I really wish they were mine but they aren't. *sighs*

~~~

In Your Arms

2

The overcast skies concealed the passage of time and a cold wind bade everyone remain sheltered. I had no problem with that. Like hell I'd be leaving my hot chocolate now. I sat at the kitchen table, my hands cupped around the steaming mug as I gazed into the rich brown liquid.

__

I wonder what would happen if I just took him into my arms. No. Just because he was worried doesn't mean that I'm anything special to him. 

I was glaring at my drink now, annoyed that I couldn't think about Ken without doubts. I had grown fond of him but he never paid me any special looks. Doesn't he see?

Footsteps. Someone came into the kitchen. Probably Omi. I didn't turn around to see who had entered. I didn't want them to see uncertainty on my face. Besides, what right did they have to see what I didn't want them to see. I stood and turned around, bumping into a surprised Ken as I did. I backed away, glaring at him. 

"Sorry Ran." That's it? 'Sorry Ran'? I glared again and left, going outside. As I sat on the porch, I realized I had forgotten my hot chocolate. Shit. My hands were beginning to get cold and the wind was biting but I didn't want to go back into the kitchen where Ken might be.

"Ran?" It was Ken again. What was he doing outside? He'll freeze. He came to stand in front of me. "Ran, you left your hot chocolate." He handed me my mug and I looked up at him somewhat surprised. He had brought me my drink. I didn't glare but I don't think I looked too happy in spite of that. He stared for a moment at my face and turned to walk back inside.

"Arigotou, Ken." He grinned before closing the door behind himself. I smiled to myself, sipping idly.

  
A few moments later, the door cracked open again and Ken poked his head out. I looked at him with raised brows.

"Yeah Ken?" He didn't answer me but came outside to sit next to me. He didn't have a jacket on, just a sweater, a damn sexy sweater nonetheless but he was shivering. I didn't want him to be cold. I wanted to make him warm again.

"Shit Ken you're going to freeze." 

He grinned and shrugged as he sat by me. "I don't care."

"Well I do." I was quiet and I didn't look at him, not knowing what his reaction would be. He didn't answer for a moment.

"You do?" 

"Yes." There was silence again. I cursed inwardly at myself for saying such stupid words. I had to know what he was doing. I peeked over at him and his lips touched mine as he pulled me into a kiss. My mug dropped from my hands to the wooden porch below but I didn't care. I wrapped my arms around him, as his limbs snaked over my back. Our lips met in a tingling, hot embrace. I could feel his heart racing as he pressed against me. No doubt mine was too. His mouth was so soft and sweet and his tongue holding mine was an embrace I never wanted to end. But it did regrettably.

Ken blushed as he sat back and I looked at the ground, blushing myself. He smiled at me before rising and reentering the house and I had only to smile back. 

~~~


	3. In Your Love

Notes: I was talking to a friend of a friend by the name of Lady Cosmos and she gave me some good advice/information. She said that sometimes people don't review because they don't know what kind of review the author is looking for. Doubtlessly this piece of knowledge isn't applicable to everyone but if it is for you, please review. I really like constructive criticism because the whole reason I write fanfics and post them is because I want to be a better writer. Plus the reviews that I have gotten have been really great and thank you everyone who reviewed and the like^^ Reviews are what keeps me going.

Pairings: Ran x Ken

Warnings: AU, Ran POV, yaoi, lime, fluff

Disclaimer: Grrrr.....I want Aya....*swoons*

~~~

In Your Love

3

Damn it Ken. Now all I can think about is you. Why do you have to be so entrancing? Why do you have to be so perfect? Why do you have to be you? I was content to be by myself. I hadn't let anyone in. I would have killed anyone if they touched me like you did but I didn't kill you. I let you in. I let you embrace me. I wanted to keep you warm and feed off your light. I want you. But I don't want to want you.

Damn it Ken. Now all can think about is incoherent thoughts of you. I glanced up at the clock. It was almost three in the morning, everyone except for Youji was asleep, doubtlessly he was crawling up any pair of open legs. I frowned in disgust. That playboy. I didn't want to be around when he came stumbling in like a whore. 

I stumbled from my chair, tossing my book to the table where it landed and slid a few inches. I walked up the stairs, not wanting to wake anyone, softening my steps and breathing. I hit my foot on the next step and cursed quietly. Why did it have to be so dark? There was a creak of a soft footfall on the wooden floor and I looked up at the top of the stairs. A pale face loomed dimly in the shadows. I knew that face. How could I not?

"Ken? What the hell are you doing?" I whispered, not wanting to bring Omi out into the hall. I had halted on the steps and he was gazing at me silently. I wanted him to come close. I wanted those arms to encircle me and keep me warm. I wanted to be encircled in his love. 

"I heard you come up and I..." 

"You..."

Silence. He couldn't or wouldn't answer me but I didn't care. I traveled the last few steps and came to face with him. He met my gaze as I drank in those chocolate eyes, wanting to taste his smooth skin. Wanting to feel him under my fingertips. 

He inhaled haltingly and looked away, embarrassed, ashamed, I couldn't tell which.

"I..." I didn't want to hear him speak even though I love his silky voice. I placed one finger on his pale lips. I felt tingling go down my hand and I moved closer to him. I didn't say anything but I held his gaze with my own.

"Ran, I..." 

"Don't you know when to stay silent?" I covered his mouth with mine before he could utter another word and I felt him respond warmly to my heated caress. His body pressed against mine and I could feel his hands stroke through my hair. I pressed closer to him and he backed away into the wall behind him with a thump. My fingers traveled down to his waist, dancing along the bare skin there, our kiss never breaking, writhing in heat. 

"Why don't you two find a room?" A slurred male voice drawled behind me, at the top of the stairs. Our kiss was broken and I felt only sorrow at its ending. I wanted the heat to come back. I wanted to be in his love. I wanted to be in his arms. 

"Kudou..." I growled and turned to glare at Youji but he only smirked at me.

"Well I never knew. The great Aya bastard really has a heart." I felt Ken stiffen beneath my hands.

"Youji, I will hurt you." He moved away from my embrace and I only felt more surging anger at the man that had come between our happiness. I knew that Youji would regret saying what he did and that he was drunk but that still didn't resolve my feelings. I reached for Ken's shoulder, glaring coldly at Kudou.

"Come on Ken, don't waste your time on him." Ken looked at me, confusion in his liquid eyes but I turned him away from the drunken man. He reentered his room and I watched him disappear, sadness and regret building inside of me but I didn't want Youji to see. I turned on my heel and left him standing alone in the hallway and went to the solitary comforts of my own bed, wishing I had Ken there to keep me warm.

~~~


	4. In Your Soul

Notes: I wanna thank the people who've been reviewing this story...I really appreciate it and your reviews have been very very helpful^^ Arigotou! P.S.) The meaning of the title will come out in later chapters...

Pairings: Ran x Ken

Warnings: AU, Ran POV, yaoi, lemon, fluff, lime

Disclaimer: *sniff* I'd love to have them but no....

~~~

In Your Soul

4

The sun had not yet risen and my thoughts of Ken were not yet diminished by the dulling dreams that the night usually heralded. I hadn't slept and I didn't want to. I didn't want his image in my mind's eye to leave or waver. I wanted him to be with me, under my fingertips, in my arms, in my warmth.

I gazed out the window from my bed shivering. It was cold and I hadn't closed my window from the day before. I didn't get under my blankets. I didn't want to be warm without Ken. I wanted to be sure he was alright. I had to see. 

I stood from my bed, walking to the door in silence and cover of darkness. Only a navy light was penetrating the skies and the land, rendering me nearly invisible. That's what I wanted. In the hallway nothing stirred, a heavy sleep laying like a blanket over the house. I was glad for the silence. That cold drawl of Youji's drunken state had haunted me as much as Ken's voice thrilled me. As I stood in front of Ken's closed door, I regarded the wood with a glare. What if he shut me out? What if he didn't want me? My fingers ached to touch him...

His door opened with barely a touch of my hand, blessedly silent. In the dim light I could make out Ken laying in his bed, on top of the covers and curled up in tense sleep. As I approached his bedside I could see his eyelids fluttering as he turned over in his sleep. I wanted to comfort him. I didn't want to see him so tense. My heart ached to ease his pain, to slip my arms around him.

"Ken..." I gently reached out and touched his lips, sitting at the edge of his bed. He stirred slowly, eyelids opening to reveal those luscious, chocolate eyes that I cherished so much. I drank in the sight of him.

"Ran...what...?" I smiled for a moment, gazing upon him before pressing my lips to his, claiming his tongue with a gentle love edged with dominance. He could feel the claim and resistance edged his response. His arms snaked over my back, his fingers tangling in my hair and I held him close to me. Our bodies were pressed tightly together, our hearts racing as one. I wanted his heat. I wanted him. I nibbled at his lip gently and he pulled me over him, to his other side, so he was leaning over me. I smiled inwardly at his claim of dominance and I fought back with a fierce passion. My lips traveled from his lips to his sensual neck, enticing quickened breaths and soft moans as my hands caressed the bare skin at his waist.

His hands were slipping under my shirt, flitting about my skin, I wanted more. I pressed myself closer against him, our limbs tangling in a battle for control. He responded with such ferocity it surprised me. He pulled off my shirt, his teeth biting into the soft flesh at my neck and moving downwards to be replaced with kisses upon my chest. His shirt was flung off and I pulled him to me again, our bare skin grinding together in a heated passion.

Our lips met again, my tongue sliding over his mouth, exploring every crevice, wanting to know ever secret. I wanted him. Everything about him. I felt his hands moving again as they feverishly struggled at the ties on my pants. He slid my pants off slowly, breaking our kiss for only moments before rejoining my lips. My groan was muffled by his mouth as my erection was stroked with tentative fingers. Then he slid away from me.

I watched him in confusion, laying naked in his bed.

"Ken? Are you alright?" He was sitting at the edge of the bed, hunched over as he looked at the floor. I slid over to him, putting my arms around his shoulders. "Come back to me."

~~~


	5. In Your Mind

Notes: *giggles* *laughs* Somehow, I knew something would happen from me cutting the chapter there...Well, here you go^^

Pairings: Ran x Ken

Warnings: AU, Ran POV, yaoi, small lime, angst

Disclaimer: If they were mine, would I be writing a disclaimer?

~~~

In Your Mind

5

I rocked Ken back and forth as I held him in my arms, tickling his neck with my tongue, tasting his smooth skin. He hadn't answered me. He hadn't moved. I wanted to see his smile. I wanted to drink in his chocolate gaze.

"I love you..." I whispered in his ear. He stiffened in my arms and drew away. I was surprised at his actions. Didn't he love me too? 

"No Ran." His words were quiet, so quiet but I felt as though he had struck me. 

"No?" I was staring at him as he stood, turned away from me. I wanted him to turn around, I just wanted to look at him and see his beauty.

"I...I can't love you." I bit back a cry of sadness. Nothing seemed to matter anymore. I had placed him as the centerpiece of my life and he wanted nothing to do with it.

"But we..." I could only sputter words, meaningless filth. There was so much more that I could do to express my feelings and yet I wouldn't be able to get near Ken. He was answering incoherent phrases. I stood up, picking up my tossed garments as I did, pulling them on quickly. Anger was blooming beneath all the pain of rejection and I glared at him from his door.

"Don't play games with me, Ken." He turned to look at me but I was already gone.

~

It had been a full two days since my predawn encounter with Ken. I couldn't look at him. It hurt to think about him. I wanted to know what was in his mind. I wanted to know what he thought when he glanced at me. I wanted to know. Why couldn't he love me? We had done so much together. It was all out of love but he couldn't love me? 

I punched the ground in anger, pushing away my sadness. _I _didn't even want to see my weakness. No one could see what I was feeling. They wouldn't understand, they didn't need to. It was none of their business. 

"Ran." I started, rejoicing at the voice, anticipating the beautiful gaze I was about to behold but then my feelings slammed back in and I stiffened as I sat on the ground. I didn't look at him. I didn't say anything but he didn't leave. I didn't want to talk to him. I just wanted to hold him in my arms and know that he loved me just as much as I loved him.

"Ran?"

"What?" My voice was harsh, its tone sharp but I didn't care. Silence.

"I'm leaving." This surprised me. I didn't even hear him walking away as I stared at the horizon in open shock.

"What?" I whispered, turning to look for Ken but he was gone. I jumped up and ran back to the house, hoping to catch him before he shut himself up again.

"Ken!" I yelled, running through the front door. After a moment I saw him slink out of his room and to the top of the stairs, keeping his eyes down. I regarded him from the ground floor, ignoring the pain looking upon him caused. "Ken...why?" 

He didn't answer me for a moment and his eyes remained at my feet. "Because, because I'm tired. I'm tired of all this." He gesticulated in a wave that encompassed his surroundings.

I didn't understand. "You're tired of everyone? Or just me?" My last words were quiet. I wasn't sure I wanted to hear the answer.

"No Ran. It's not you."

"Then why?"

Why can't you love me? 

"Because I can't...I can't understand anything. I need to be alone and not have to worry about being judged. I have to figure some stuff out."

"You're damn right you need to figure some stuff out." I was getting angry now that he was just shoving this on me with no warning. How dare he walk away.

"What the hell is up with you Ran?" His eyes flashed as his voice raised in anger. I was tired of just wondering why he could never answer me. I was tired of just hoping that he'd be able to love me in return after being completely ignored for the past few days.

"You! You can't even fucking answer one stupid little question. Why Ken? Why can't you answer me?" 

He looked surprised and my anger faded away. His expression dissolved into one of guilt. "I...I just can't! I don't have to answer to you every fucking second! To hell with this place and to hell with you Ran!"

~~~


	6. In Your Game

Notes: Alright then, I do believe this chapter will be the ending and hopefully all questions will be answered. Thank you Keeshe Kal'daka for bringing the rating to my attention *grins sheepishly* I had forgotten I had posted it as PG-13 but it's R now^^ Arigotou!

Thank you everyone who read and reviewed! I was very flattered and honored to receive your attention and praise! Arigotou! ^^

Pairings: Ran x Ken

Warnings: AU, Ran POV, yaoi, language, 

Disclaimer: "These aren't mine. Why not? Too violent. 0.0" -CW-chan

~~~

In Your Game

6

My reflection glared back at me as I gazed in the mirror. It had begun to snow outside and I could hear Omi and Youji playing outside. I was surprised at how early winter had come on. The trees had barely shed their blanket of color. It felt like winter inside of me and I didn't understand that. Nothing was wrong but I couldn't erase that odd feeling of emptiness inside of me. The thought had struck a note of discord in my mind and suppressed memories began to well of their own volitions. I didn't want to remember. Everything was so nice now. Why did it have to change?

~

My fingers were squeezed tightly around his throat, wanting his life to spill onto my hands so I might keep it forever. But then I gazed into his eyes and I drew back. I couldn't halt that shining gaze, so rich and beautiful. I couldn't silence the song that was his life. 

He stared at me in disbelief and I could only stare back, thinking of how he is a songbird. Flying so carelessly to bless the vision of everything with such unattainable grace and beauty. I had wanted that grace and beauty to be mine. I had wanted him but he didn't want to be contained in my cage. He saw me as a cage.

"If you are a songbird, then I am a raven. Daubed with the lust of beauty." I muttered this, fully realizing that Ken hadn't been able to love me because he felt only my anger and anguish, a raven, concealed with the flaming locks and violet gaze of beauty. 

I turned away from Ken, saying nothing and leaving him. I didn't want to taint him. I loved him too much for that. 

~

I was alone in my room, still sitting in front of the mirror, wondering how my life would have benefited if I could have kept Ken. 

__

He hadn't wanted to be kept. _He would have died. _

__

Maybe. 

~~~

End


End file.
